My best friend moved away recently and although leading up to her departure we did not get to spend as much time with each other as we had liked, when we do hang out it always feels like we never stopped. I think that is really important in a relationship, especially a friendship.
We are all busy in our lives and don’t always make the time we should for those we care about, not because we don’t want to but because become too wrapped up with other things. I am definitely guilty of this, especially during the last 3 years since my son was born. Now that he is becoming more independent and my anxiety is under control, I can see more and more instances where I could have been a better friend to certain people in my life. Lucky for me, they didn’t hold this against me, and remain my friends to this day.
After a long overdue lunch with my BFF this week, I began to think about all the different types of friends I have. Old work friends, new work friends, highschool friends, new-mom friends, etc. I have an eclectic mix of friends, some of whom I see more often than others, some I rarely see at all yet think of often. Some I see every week. I have a friend from highschool that I love dearly, a friend I used to work with pre-baby that I still love to connect with, a friend whom I met through another friend and hit it off with, and a few friends whom I met through “mom and baby” type events/activities when my son was still a baby, and I have new friends that I have stumbled upon by way of a new job, or through social media connections.
The point is, all these friends bring something positive to my life, whether that mean a coffee companion to walk to Starbucks with before staff meetings, or a sympathetic ear to my share my toddler-troubles with, someone who can commiserate with me as we watch our kids dig in the sand at the beach, or someone to just be there to respond to a text message when I am having a particularly rough day. Whatever the case may be, the friendship is simple and reciprocated and does not cause me to spend time stressing over insignificant drama.
I wrote recently on the Huffington Post about my experience breaking up with a “bad” friend. The piece evoked polar opposite views, some seeing it as an experience we have all had to face at one point or another in our lives, while others viewed it as an attempt to single out and shame a particular friend. The latter is so far from the truth that it actually makes me sad and hesitant to write any more.
My intention from the beginning, when I first started writing and sharing my thoughts, was simply this: tell the truth. A piece of writing advice I read once has always stuck in my head: How do you write successfully? You write what you know. And so that is what I do. I write what I know, sharing my feelings and thoughts and observations on what has happened, or may happen to me, myself, personally.
While I feel sad and slightly remorseful that some would think I would intentionally write something to hurt someone else, I am not apologetic for what I wrote. I stand by my thoughts and feelings and that is enough. I am a Taurus, and it is true what they say, I feel and love deeply. I am also extremely honest, to the point of almost being blunt sometimes. I did not need to fabricate half-truths and I did not slander anyone’s name. I simply told the truth, and like with all my writing, it was freeing and therapeutic.
So, as you read this, think of your own friend situation and ponder: is there a bad-friend that you keep trying to convince yourself is a good friend? Is there someone who brings nothing positive to your life, only drama and bad feelings? If so, perhaps it is time you break up with your friend too. More importantly though, think of all the good, real friends you do have and make a point to reach out to the ones that you may have neglected a little recently and I can assure you, you will be glad you did. I know I am.