Days 23-30: Nothing & Everything.
So, as you can see from the timeline between this post and the previous one, I did not complete the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge in the conventional sense. Now, it is not that I ran out of things to be thankful for, or ran out of motivation to post about it. It was just that it started to stop being something fun and interesting and ended being something I dreaded and had an impossible time finding the time to do. I never want writing to become something I feel like I have to do or allow it to feel like a chore.
Around day 23 or so, I realized that I didn’t WANT to finish the challenge. Actually it was sooner than that but I forced myself to keep going for another 5 days or so before i had my thought revolution of sorts.
I took some time to reflect on what I had written and wasn’t happy with the quality of my writing nor the time constants I had imposed on myself. I didn’t want to churn out posts simply for the sake of doing so. It just wasn’t fun anymore. I had a ton going on (still do) and writing the posts no longer being a fun source of stress relief; instead, they were a constant cause of stress, the days I missed snowballing and my anxiety accumulating. So I said f*** it and quit.
However, as promised when I started, I did want to take the time to summarize some of what I learned about myself and the “30 day challenge” process. So, here are some of the things participating in my own self-imposed 30 day challenged made me realize:
- The more I know I have to do something, the least likely I am going to be pumped to actually do it
- I can thrive under pressure when I want to but not when I don’t have to
- It is okay to not be grateful for something every.single.day . It is okay to have a shit day at work/at home/in life and go to bed annoyed, frustrated and feeling defeated. That’s life, and its normal…and ok, and as long as you wake up the next day grateful for something (even if it is only coffee or the fact you are still breathing), you are doing alright
- I like to write a lot more when I don’t have to!
- There needs to be more than 24 hours in a day….
- 30 Day Challenges are not for me…and that’s ok!
So, while I didn’t specifically name individual things I am grateful for on Days 24-30, I can say that I was grateful for nothing and everything, all at once. I was grateful I didn’t have to write the posts anymore once I gave myself permission to fail. I was grateful that I had the sense to give my perfectionist mindset a break for once and say “screw it”. I was grateful to be healthy and happy and loved and appreciated by family and friends. I was grateful that I posed the challenge and more importantly, grateful that I was able to recognize that the forcing myself to complete it even though I was no longer ‘feeling it’ wasn’t a productive use of my time or energy.